Superpowers

Today I realized that one of my Attendings has a superpower. Let me explain. Perhaps you have been in the situation where you need to get somewhere but someone is in your way. Usually in such a situation you would say something like, "excuse me" or "I'm sorry, could I get by you real quick?" Not so with this Attending. He has the ability to move you using only his eyes (or maybe it's mind control, I'm not sure.) Basically this guy walks up to you and stares at you until your body just moves out of his way. It works every time too. Not once have I had the balls to just stare back at him and not move.

Caveat: This does not work on nurses. I have tried.

The Layers of the Abdominal Wall

I'm on Peds Urology now. Believe it or not, I have only been asked the layers of the abdominal wall one time on my entire 12 week surgery rotation. Being that I am now on subspecialties I felt I would be safe from this question. I was wrong.

Attending: What are the layers of the abdominal wall?
Me: Skin, subcutaneous fat, campers fascia, scarpa's fascia, rectus, external oblique, internal oblique, transversali...
Attending: Transversus abdominis, you mean.
Me: Oh yes, sorry. Then transversalis fascia, preperitoneal fat, peritoneum.
Attending: (silence)

So I mixed up one thing. Pretty good I thought. But no....

Resident: That's weird you don't know the layers of the abdominal wall
Me: I thought I just mixed up one thing...
Resident: I mean that's really important to know. Seems like you should know it.

Well, that's life. 91% just doesn't cut it these days.

What has medical school done to us!?!

So today one of my friends said:

Friend: I think I might have Otitis Media. When I exert medial pressure on my tragus I have 5/10 pain. There must some sort of infectious process going on.
Me: You have an ear ache?
Friend: Yeah.

I, for one, pledge to try and remain normal. In spite of medical school.

General Surgery Movie

I made this little clip to chronicle every single day on the general surgery service. Enjoy!

Last Day

Thursday was my last day on the general surgery service. I never thought this would happen to me but I was so happy that I burst into song in one of the hallways when no one was looking. I don't remember exactly what I was singing but it had the phrase, "Today is a beautiful day" in it. It was one of those moments you see in musicals where the lead character starts spinning around and singing. I half expected people to start joining in the chorus with me but, unfortunately, no one did. It was quite enjoyable really. So for the rest of the day any time I was on an elevator by myself I would repeat my musical performance. I think I may have a future outside of medicine.

Stupid

Today I found out I was stupid. Today the "Star Wars" attending led me into the ICU for a pimping onslaught.

Dr. Attending: What class of drug is imipenem?
Medical Student: A macrolide, no, wait, that's not right
Dr. Attending: That was stupid. Well, what's the mechanism?
Medical Student: (blank stare)
Dr. Attending: Are you special or something?

Good times.

The Infamous Whipple

For the surgeon the Whipple Procedure consists of the following: Cholecysectomy, Pancreaticoduodenectomy, Truncal Vagotomy, Antrectomy, Choledocojejunostomy, Pancreaticojejunostomy and a Gastrojejunostomy. For the medical student the Whipple Procedure consists of standing in a hot gown, gloves and mask for 9 hours while being grilled on whatever random anatomy fact may cross the surgeons mind, while holding a retractor or two.

Here are things that I learned after being scrubbed in on this procedure: 1. Take an ibuprofen before starting. 2. Do not ask questions. 3. Even if you are right, don't expect to be acknowledged whatsoever.


Now, point number 1 is self explanatory, but let me explain point two and three.  It may seem odd that a medical student shouldn't ask questions, but it is absolutely imperative. If a medical student does slip up and ask the surgeon a question, this is the conversation that will follow:

Medical Student: Dr. Attending, I'm not sure I'm oriented here, is that the external oblique we just transected?
Dr. Attending: Good question! Is it?
Medical Student: Well, I'm not sure, that's why I was asking.
Dr. Attending: You should know that.
Medical Student: Yes, you are right. I will study more. (Note to self: Do not ask Dr. Attending anything)

So the lesson again is: NO questions. Let the attending be in charge of questions.


Point number three can also be explained in this simple, real life conversation:

Dr. Attending: Okay, so is the Superior Mesenteric Vein anterior or posterior to the pancreas?
Medical Student: (feeling confident) It is posterior.
Dr. Attending: Are you sure?
Medical Student: Uh, yes.
Dr. Attending: Really?
Medical Student: Well, I was... Why? Is that incorrect?
Dr. Attending: (Silence)

So, as you can see, there is really no way to win. That is why I came home and ate a large bag of french fries and watched 24 all night.