I cannot escape it

It's understandable when you are in the academic medicine environment to expect a certain level of pimping. I've done my fair share of griping on this blog about the questions I've received as a medical student, but in all honesty things haven't been too bad. When you exit the academic world and escape into real life, however, you tend to let your guard down. Especially when you or your family member is now a patient.

My wife needed to have a minor surgical procedure performed and was undergoing general anesthesia for the operation. I, the loyal husband that I am, was waiting by wife's side in pre-op and inevitably the surgeon came by to do the final pre-op check and asked me what I did for a living.

Surgeon: (lighting up like he just found his next hit) "Ah, so you're a medical student! What are you interested in?"
Me: "Well, I'm still trying to decide. I like peds a lot."
Surgeon: "Well, try to stop liking that. There is no money in it."
Me: "Okay..."
Surgeon: "So I'm currently injecting your wife with Versed, you know, midazolam. Then we will give her some propofol for induction."
Me: (feeling he is about to go deeper with this) "Alright..."
Surgeon: "You remember your pharmacology?"
Me: (No freaking way is this guy about to pimp me as he is about to induce my own wife) Yes...
Surgeon: "Well, what is the mechanism of action of Midazolam?"
Me:(Are you freaking kidding me?!?) That's evading me...
Surgeon: "Well, it acts on the GABA receptor."
Me: "Ah, yes, of course."
Wife: (looking off into the distance) "Is this what being high is like..."
Me: "Yes, sweetheart."

So, in the future, whenever I'm asked what I do, I am going to say that I'm an accountant. Because you never know where a pimp addict may be lurking. And the surgery went fine, in case anyone was wondering.

I don't know

Peds. Gotta love those kids.

Medical Student: Hello little 5 year old girl! How did you get this bump on your leg?
Child: (excitedly) I was asleep and then my friend woke me up and then... and then... and then... (big breaths, getting more excited) I was just jumping on her spongebob pillow and then she pushed me off and then I fell on a sharp thing and then I pulled it out all by myself!
Medical Student: (jotting down everything) Wow! How did you do that?
Child: Do what?
Medical Student: Pull out the sharp thing!
Child: Huh?
Medical Student: You fell down on a sharp thing right?
Child: Yeah!
Medical Student: After you fell off the spongebob pillow...
Child: What? No!!!!
Medical Student: Okay... Then what happened?
Child: I don't remember!! I was sleeping silly!

I love it when you write out a whole H&P and then get to write a big "X" through it.

*There was nothing wrong with this kid (no concussion, brain damage etc.) she was just being her five year old self.

The Dark

Radiology. I just finished it. Let me give you a little taste of my glorious schedule:

9:00am - Arrive at hospital

10:00am - Attending arrives at hospital

11:30am - Attending takes lunch, so I go too

2:00pm - Go back to hospital

3:00pm - Go home

Granted, going into the reading rooms is like entering Gollum's cave (Yes, I did just make a Lord of The Rings Analogy), but that schedule freaking rocks. 

On a more serious note, I did meet one radiologist that looked like Gollum. Sounded a little like him too, but wow, could that guy read a chest x-ray.

Yeah, well, I made another one

This is a slightly embellished, real life conversation.

Am I missing something?

I've been pondering this one for a while. Can anyone show me exactly what I'm missing?

Attending: Medical Student, this patient has bilateral pitting ankle edema, shortness of breath and borderline hepatomegaly. What do you think could be going on here?
Medical Student: Well, it sounds like it could be right heart failure.
Attending: I don't think so. It's most likely Cor Pulmonale.
Medical Student: (confused) oh.

This is the second time I've had this conversation. Lesson: Always use latin when available.

Kids

I never thought myself one to enjoy the kids on my rotations, but they are starting to grow on me. They actually have quite a few qualities that I am jealous of. Mainly, they know how to say "no," they demand what they want, and they will do nothing for you until you give it to them.

Me: "Hello little 4 year old child, can I listen to your heart?"
Kid: "No!"
Me: "I really need to listen to your heart."
Kid: "I want to draw my name"
Me: "You know how to draw your name?"
Kid: "Yes! I'm the best at it! I want to draw it!"
Me: "Okay, okay, can I listen to your heart after?"
Kid: "mmmmmmmmm. okay."

So I give the kid a marker and await his masterpiece. He proceeds to draw a circle and a triangle.

Me: "Okay! Good job!"
Kid: (beaming) "I'm the best"

So to recap. I am 25 years old. Kid is 4. I have no control of the room. Kid has total control. I don't get to decide what my name is (usually I'm called, "move" or "I need to be standing there" or "watch out"). Kid gets to call himself circle triangle.  Ah, the lessons we can learn from children.

Wash Your Hands!

Sometimes it's the patients that give you a hard time. I don't know if I just had a look about me or what...

Medical Student: Hi There, I understand you've been having some stomach pain and I came by to do a quick exam.

Patient: Okay.

Medical Student: Great. Let me just wash my hands and we'll get started.

Patient: Yeah, you better.

Medical Student: (nervous laughter) why's that?

(Why did I ask him that? I don't know.)

Patient: Cause I can tell by lookin' at you that you just sit around touchin' yourself all day. I don't want all your junk germs on me.

That's it. I'm shaving my mustache.